


they say don't open old wounds

by astrodrag



Category: RuPaul's Drag Race RPF
Genre: Don't say I didn't warn you, F/F, heartbreak and angst galore, vague reference to jackie
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-20
Updated: 2020-04-20
Packaged: 2021-03-02 03:13:58
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,279
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23748163
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/astrodrag/pseuds/astrodrag
Summary: She had sworn that she wasn’t going to cry over her, wasn’t going to let Jan have the satisfaction of making the stone-cold blonde shed a single tear.But Jan wasn’t around, and Gigi was drunk, so she told herself that it was okay to cry. But this would be the only time. After tonight, she wasn’t ever going to shed another tear over the brunette.
Relationships: Jan Sport/Gigi Goode
Comments: 4
Kudos: 24





	they say don't open old wounds

**Author's Note:**

> A huge thank you to Mac for betaing this for me, and a big shoutout to Winter for helping me come up with the idea for this one!  
> Title & inspiration taken from "Old Wounds" by Pvris.

The world felt like it was spinning, and Gigi couldn’t tell if it was from the alcohol she had consumed or the anxiety bubbling up inside her. She stuck a hand out to steady herself, bracing against the wall of the hallway, and let out a choked sob. She had sworn that she wasn’t going to cry over her, wasn’t going to let Jan have the satisfaction of making the stone-cold blonde shed a single tear.

But Jan wasn’t around, and Gigi was drunk, so she told herself that it was okay to cry. But this would be the only time. After tonight, she wasn’t ever going to shed another tear over the brunette.

She didn’t stay standing in the hallway for long, her clouded brain remembering that she was on a mission to gain closure. Pushing off from the wall, Gigi stumbled down the remainder of her hallway, pausing at the closet door at the end. She flung the door open, ignoring the strained squeak of the hinges as it swung toward the wall. She dropped to her knees, through the blankets at the bottom of the closet until she uncovered a box.

 _Jackpot_.

Gigi pulled the box out of the closet, clutching it tight to her chest as she stood upright. Glancing around, she felt her lungs constrict as she held back another sob and her heart threatened to turn into a black hole inside her chest. She cursed herself under her breath, every fiber of her being fighting to keep from breaking down entirely as hot tears ran down her face. 

_She could do this. She could let go of all of this._

She repeated the words inside her head as she stumbled into the kitchen. She dropped the box to the floor, letting out a wince at the dull sound of glass shattering that could be heard as it landed, and she clumsily dropped down beside it. Shaking hands pulled the lid of the box off, tossing it to the side, her stomach clenching at the sight of the box’s contents.

Photos, dozens upon dozens of them, sat in stacks along the sides of the box. Random knick-knacks were scattered throughout, ranging from gift shop keychains and a lone stuffed bear dressed in a Yankees uniform to a pair of snowglobes and a stray bobblehead of the Statue of Liberty. Momentos from her visits to New York, all surrounding a picture frame in the middle with shattered glass.

Shattered, just like her heart.

She picked the picture frame up first, her heart skipping a beat as she inspected the image in the frame. Jan was pressing a kiss to Gigi’s cheek, giving the camera a side-glance, warmth and love clouding her deep brown eyes. It was surreal to see the love in Jan’s eyes now, Gigi’s memory only recalling the cold darkness in them the last time they spoke, the time Jan broke her heart. She let out another sob at the thought, a sharp pain in her heart radiating through her body as if Jan was twisting a knife in her chest, reopening the stab wound she had emotionally inflicted upon Gigi a mere two weeks prior.

Gigi felt a shiver wrack her body, cold seeping from the laminate of the kitchen floor into her bare legs, cutting to the bone. She instinctively pulled her knees to her chest and tucked them just inside of the long purple hoodie she wore, the one that still smelled like _her._ The scent vanilla and rose clouded her thoughts, momentarily distracting her from the mistake she had just made as she tried to curl into the hoodie further. If she curled into it enough, she thought, maybe she could trick herself into thinking Jan was still with her, arms wrapped tightly around her fragile frame.

Her fingertips traced the edge of the picture frame, cautiously avoiding the jagged edges of the glass shards. She could still hear Jan’s angry words in the back of her head, even as she stared at the girl’s radiant expression in the image.

_You don’t try._

_You’re too distant._

_You don’t care._

But the truth was, Gigi did care. Hell, maybe she cared too much. And she had been scared, too scared to let Jan know just how much she cared out of fear of running the brunette off.

Turns out, she’d run her off anyway.

She couldn’t help but wonder if Jan had ever cared, and if so how she could have moved on so fucking quickly while Gigi was left crying on her kitchen floor staring at an old photo of them.

She pushed aside the thought, trying to erase from her brain the image she had seen on Jan’s Instagram of her kissing another girl’s cheek, some dark-haired beauty she vaguely remembered from their time in college together. Same pose as the framed image she held in her hands, but a different girl. Gigi felt disposable, like she had only ever been a prop to hang off Jan’s arm, and that thought alone hurt more than the breakup ever did.

 _If she cared, she wouldn’t already be seeing someone new_.

Without a second thought, Gigi leaned over to grab the trash can from the corner of the room and dumped the glass from the frame into it, shaky hands hastily popping the backing off the frame. She pulled the image out, letting the frame fall into the trash, and immediately began ripping the picture into pieces. She could hear her cries echoing through the kitchen as she shredded the image, but they sounded distant, like they were coming from someone else down the hall, instead of herself.

Bit by bit the torn scraps fell into the trash can, and bit by bit Gigi’s heart broke beyond repair.

Once she started, it felt like she couldn’t stop. She tore through images like her life depended on it, ripping pictures from birthdays, vacations, holidays, and too many romantic outings to count. She threw out the bear and keychains, damn near threw the snow globes in and reveled in the little bit of comfort she felt as they fractured in sync with her aching heart. 

Every little thing from the box got thrown into the trash can, pain and drunken frustration fueling Gigi’s impulsive actions.

She finished by breaking down the box as she let out a strangled laugh, muttering to herself that the box wasn’t the only thing breaking down that night, before stuffing the box on top and pushing down with as much strength as she could muster in the moment. Gigi let out a breath she didn’t realize she had been holding.

Wearily, Gigi hauled herself up onto her feet, her body heavy from the weight of all her shed tears, and wiped at her eyes. A broken laugh escaped from her lips, and just as she was about to drag herself to bed, she paused. She glanced down, swallowing hard as she stared at her hoodie - _no, Jan’s hoodie._ With the last shred of emotional strength she had left, she pulled the hoodie over her head and dropped it on top of the trash can, then walked away.

She’d take the trash out in the morning, she told herself. She’d take the trash out, and with it would go the last of her feelings for the brunette. She’d clean the kitchen and pretend that night never happened, pretend that she was fine until it became her reality.

But in the meantime, she needed to sleep. So she crawled into bed, clutching a pillow to her chest, and drifted off to sleep, dreaming of Jan for the last time.


End file.
